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[Dracula at the blood donation drive]

nurse: Have you ever had any sexual contact with a man?

Dracula: What is a man?!

nurse, sighing heavily: Sorry, sir. Have you ever had any sexual contact with a miserable little pile of secrets?

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of Amontillado (1994)

When Fortunato (Jim Carrey) is trapped in a wine cellar by his supposed friend Montresor, he finds a strange mask that grants him bizarre powers

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selfie, ec 

Having trouble working on work stuff so here I am writing an Axiom Verge save manager

My sweet, adorable baby is two. This kiddo is the sweetest of peas.

My baby is now two years old! 🥳🧁🍰🎁🎂🎈🎉🎈🎂🎁🍰🧁🥳

"If God doesn't exist, that's God's problem."

I say this fellow Jews, they go "yup.", regardless of whether they personally believe or not.

I say it to Christians they say it's a self contradictory statement that no one could possible understand.

And this is reason #497 why biblical literalism is bad.

I think everyone should have a certain number of possessions they'd ideally like to have. I call this an "own goal".

I want to go by ima instead of daddy

Any tips for introducing a new name to a toddler?

Deleting a toot you forgot about to someone you now have blocked because some people interacted with it, reminding you of its existence

Selfie with dog, ec 

COVID-19; Massachusetts Residents Please Read 

someone who's techy but not annoying plz explain whats a sidekiq

Lil guy: is today a stay home day?

Me: every day is a stay home day

Lil guy: I mean do we have pretend school today

Me: yes, we have five pretend school days a week

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Onster Farm!

Onster Farm is the official Mastodon instance of Doctective Jake Peralta. In this house, we use alt text.